Post by Fluffy on Jul 11, 2006 11:33:13 GMT -5
I found this by the computer - clearly my cat had been at work.....!
Well, you know about my little family....There’s me, Smudge, and then there’s Ellie (what a stroppy little madam she was when she arrived – punching me on the nose as soon as she got through the front door) – and of course, her disgusting son, the Unmentionable One. The human calls him Pepsi, which says it all really, doesn’t it. What a name for an outsized grovelling ball of fluff. Really!
Anyway, to get back to the story - Me, being the oldest, I have been in this situation before. My whiskers started to twitch a while back, erm, let's see….about three human months ago, when cardboard boxes appeared. Human got a bit stroppy because the Unmentionable One and his mother kept playing in them when she wanted to put stupid things in them, like the things she eats off of.
I cannot for the life of me understand why they just don’t do it like we do. So much easier -quick wipe round your face with a paw - job done!
Anyway, after that human kept disappearing for the odd day. It was OK, because we got extra rations of Tuna or Iams on those days, although the stupid woman kept forgetting to leave the heating on so I could cuddle up to the radiator. At my age I tend to get something the woman calls ahthur-something and it makes it hard for me to get down the stairs sometimes. The Human kept getting cross with people about bills on the phone, and once she SHOUTED at me for standing by the kitchen door watching her trying to get out the door – told me I was in the way, do you mind! You know what they say, if you can’t stand the heat dear…..!
Gradually though, it gets a bit uncomfortable…. I mean, there I am asleep on a chair, minding my own business, and someone comes and tips me onto the floor. When I look round for somewhere to kip there isn’t anything to sit on. What’s that about? Surely you don’t expect me to sleep on the floor at my age.
Then there comes the morning the plastic boxes appear – oh how we hate them. They usually mean a trip to the place where they always stick something up your bum, very undignified, and then a needle in your neck, as a rule. The upside of that is if we give a good enough performance we wangle some extra cuddles and sweets afterwards. I digress, we gave her a good run for her money - two hours it took for the human to get us all in those boxes and I am proud to say I escaped three times. She was saying some words that I had to shut my ears to. So rude!
As if that wasn’t enough, we were then carried to a motorised box (you have no idea how sick it makes you feel being swung around in one of those plastic cages) and had to sit in there for ages, with just a few treats to chew on to pass the time. I felt quite sick. I did try to express my displeasure by putting my claws through the door of the box and scratching the human, but she took no notice, so instead I sung - LOUDLY. Then the Unmentionable One managed to open his door and escape as we were moving along. Now, that was fun! Pandemonium ensued! Regrettably the human managed to catch him before he escaped out of the window in the roof of the vehicle. Life would have been so much more peaceful without him *sigh*.
Eventually our plastic boxes were carried into a strange house And the human produced the evil plastic tray for us to squat in. DISGUSTING! Ah well, needs must, though I have to admit it was a relief. I had to elbow Ellie out of the way, being a bit older than her my need was greater, so to speak.
I wasn’t, personally, that impressed with how our needs were met at that point. I mean, sure the human fed us, but where were we supposed to sit, shut in one room with no seats, while she banged and crashed about doing stupid things with the stuff in the boxes and so on.
Eventually we were allowed out of our cell and were able to look around. Ha! I found evidence that there had been another cat or dog in the house, so I marked the wall. For some reason the Human didn’t seem to impressed with this, (had to shut my ears to the language again) but its something you just have to do. A little later the Human opened the door to the outside and we all of us, including her, went outside. I can tell you, my whiskers were twitching nineteen to the dozen! Hey, it wasn’t bad, a tree for us to hang out of and a bird table for us to sit and watch for entertainment – not that I would be so crass as to try to catch one! I even spotted a pretty young cat in one of the neighbours gardens…hmmm – shame I can only look! The Unmentionable One went into overdrive, rushing up and down the tree and rolling over and over on the grass with his legs in the air. How undignified, but I expect nothing less from him.
All in all, not a bad day – though I really can’t understand why the human says she is exhausted to all and sundry. Its not as though it’s hard work is it?!
Copyright Smudge 2005
Well, you know about my little family....There’s me, Smudge, and then there’s Ellie (what a stroppy little madam she was when she arrived – punching me on the nose as soon as she got through the front door) – and of course, her disgusting son, the Unmentionable One. The human calls him Pepsi, which says it all really, doesn’t it. What a name for an outsized grovelling ball of fluff. Really!
Anyway, to get back to the story - Me, being the oldest, I have been in this situation before. My whiskers started to twitch a while back, erm, let's see….about three human months ago, when cardboard boxes appeared. Human got a bit stroppy because the Unmentionable One and his mother kept playing in them when she wanted to put stupid things in them, like the things she eats off of.
I cannot for the life of me understand why they just don’t do it like we do. So much easier -quick wipe round your face with a paw - job done!
Anyway, after that human kept disappearing for the odd day. It was OK, because we got extra rations of Tuna or Iams on those days, although the stupid woman kept forgetting to leave the heating on so I could cuddle up to the radiator. At my age I tend to get something the woman calls ahthur-something and it makes it hard for me to get down the stairs sometimes. The Human kept getting cross with people about bills on the phone, and once she SHOUTED at me for standing by the kitchen door watching her trying to get out the door – told me I was in the way, do you mind! You know what they say, if you can’t stand the heat dear…..!
Gradually though, it gets a bit uncomfortable…. I mean, there I am asleep on a chair, minding my own business, and someone comes and tips me onto the floor. When I look round for somewhere to kip there isn’t anything to sit on. What’s that about? Surely you don’t expect me to sleep on the floor at my age.
Then there comes the morning the plastic boxes appear – oh how we hate them. They usually mean a trip to the place where they always stick something up your bum, very undignified, and then a needle in your neck, as a rule. The upside of that is if we give a good enough performance we wangle some extra cuddles and sweets afterwards. I digress, we gave her a good run for her money - two hours it took for the human to get us all in those boxes and I am proud to say I escaped three times. She was saying some words that I had to shut my ears to. So rude!
As if that wasn’t enough, we were then carried to a motorised box (you have no idea how sick it makes you feel being swung around in one of those plastic cages) and had to sit in there for ages, with just a few treats to chew on to pass the time. I felt quite sick. I did try to express my displeasure by putting my claws through the door of the box and scratching the human, but she took no notice, so instead I sung - LOUDLY. Then the Unmentionable One managed to open his door and escape as we were moving along. Now, that was fun! Pandemonium ensued! Regrettably the human managed to catch him before he escaped out of the window in the roof of the vehicle. Life would have been so much more peaceful without him *sigh*.
Eventually our plastic boxes were carried into a strange house And the human produced the evil plastic tray for us to squat in. DISGUSTING! Ah well, needs must, though I have to admit it was a relief. I had to elbow Ellie out of the way, being a bit older than her my need was greater, so to speak.
I wasn’t, personally, that impressed with how our needs were met at that point. I mean, sure the human fed us, but where were we supposed to sit, shut in one room with no seats, while she banged and crashed about doing stupid things with the stuff in the boxes and so on.
Eventually we were allowed out of our cell and were able to look around. Ha! I found evidence that there had been another cat or dog in the house, so I marked the wall. For some reason the Human didn’t seem to impressed with this, (had to shut my ears to the language again) but its something you just have to do. A little later the Human opened the door to the outside and we all of us, including her, went outside. I can tell you, my whiskers were twitching nineteen to the dozen! Hey, it wasn’t bad, a tree for us to hang out of and a bird table for us to sit and watch for entertainment – not that I would be so crass as to try to catch one! I even spotted a pretty young cat in one of the neighbours gardens…hmmm – shame I can only look! The Unmentionable One went into overdrive, rushing up and down the tree and rolling over and over on the grass with his legs in the air. How undignified, but I expect nothing less from him.
All in all, not a bad day – though I really can’t understand why the human says she is exhausted to all and sundry. Its not as though it’s hard work is it?!
Copyright Smudge 2005
