Old people and cleaning

[Dabbit]

I visited an elderly friend this morning (she is 92 years old) with a Christmas hamper...For the first time she allowed us into her home, which I have to say was horrendously dirty dark and dingy. I wasn't expecting it to be clean - she is after all 92. But what bothers me is that she is fiercely independant and accept no help whatsoever, including cleaning bathing etc. It was obvious that cleaning doesn't exist on her list of duties but there is help available I'm sure...I'm worried the dirt in which she lives may affect her health? Or am I being paranoid?

[sandy]

Most people are immune to their own dirt. It's sad that you get old and can't do the things you need to do. Bathing and cleaning are good things. Someone has to help her if her family can't there should be agencies that would give some help. My aunt was declared incompetent and placed in a home. If you know of any family or agency that can help maybe they need to be notified. It will getto the point where her home will be a health hazard to her and the community around her. Poor soul. It's awful to be alone and not able to do for yourself.

[Mark]

Exactly. The trick is to do it in a way that doesn't offend or detract from their dignity. Not an easy task.

[louise90]

As you know I work voluntary for the Red Cross. Anyway, a few weeks ago I visited a man in his mid 60's to do his shopping for him. The place was like a land fill site. The floor was covered (and I mean that literally!) in rubbish. I don't even know what colour the carpet is I couldn't see it! There was a bike in his hallway and dirty laundry on the radiators. There was a mall tv on the bed along with his cigarette ash and an overflowing ashtray. Now, I'm a smoker, but even I'm not that bad!

[Mark]

Sounds disgusting, Louise. Poor guy doesn't seem old enough though to be that oblivious to his environment. Pitiful.

[sandy]

The really sad part is they have no idea that things are that bad. All they know is that it's home and that's where they want to be. If they do know the condition their home is in, it's still home to them. They would also resent someone coming in and changing things. It's such a delicate balancing act trying to help and not offend at the same time. These people have been capable upstanding, hard working(for the most part) citizens all their lives. Taking away that control over their lives is very hard on them mentally. It's very hard to help them and let them remain with the feeling that they still have control. Put yourself in their shoes. What is the answer? Beats me. Sometimes, like with my aunt, someone steps in and takes over and just moves her into a home with no regard to her wishes. In the long run it's the best for them but it is so very hard for them to understand why they can't go home. I sure hope that when the time comes that I am unable to take care of myself that some how, some way my family can put me in a home and that I can accept that that place is now where I need to be. I often think that the Eskimo people, who let their elderly go off to a place to die when they feel they are no longer useful or healthy or maybe just old enough to know it's time, have the right idea.

[Mark]

That sounds a little cold.